Thursday, February 11, 2010

Letting Go

Wow. Such a lot seems to be happening at the moment.

The older I get the less I like change. I used to revel in it  and look forward with excitement to the new. Then around my Saturn return I made huge changes in just about every aspect of my life, I did those things suddenly and in a state of shock - locking away my old life in a separate place within and cutting off that person I was. Now whenever change is happening I always view it with suspicion and fear. Those unresolved issues are now coming back to bite me and I feel I'm living in a echo of that Saturn return. So the time has come to gently acknowledge, own and integrate those memories and experiences and move into the next phase.

The week before Christmas my  mother became too ill to look after herself so having arranged for someone to look after her place, we picked her up and brought her back here to convalesce.  Let me set the scene for you - she is in her early 70's and owns 10 steep acres. On it she has numerous goats, sheep, chickens, two dogs and one cat. She has lovely landscaped gardens around the house and all this she looks after on her own, my Dad being deceased for many years now.  In addition, she is also involved in music, mah jong, buddhism, local organic farming group, teaches buddhism at the local school and volunteers. Mum has finally acknowledged that it is all too much for her and has decided to sell up and move to something smaller. I'm finding it very hard to see her living somewhere else - she always said the only way she would leave was in a pine box. The farms that she's owned have always been a sanctuary for me and I will grieve for that loss of space and peace where I don't have to worry that I'm trespassing or that I will be bothered by strangers happening to wander into the same space. All this did have a silver lining - Mum was with us for Christmas and through to the new year which was very special, especially for her and Little Tree.

Since starting this post, we have also been given notice to vacate this house. Our landlords, who have been very good to us, have now retired and wish to move down here from the big smoke to be closer to their daughter and granddaughter. Oddly enough they want to move into their house!!!! So we are now on the lookout for a new home in a scarce rental market. I would, of course, love to buy and I've seen just the house but the bank would just laugh at us with the deposit we have or more to the point, don't have.

Some really good news is that, after nearly ten years, Little Tree is now eating something other than pancakes with spreads/toast with spreads and fruit.  He has, for the last two weeks, eaten vegies, nut loaf, lamb, lentil burgers, pasta, fried rice, baked beans, dried fruit. Wow! This is a HUGE milestone and I've been doing little celebratory dances every night. You have no idea how concerned I've been over his limited diet and the lack of nutrients he was getting.

Last year was difficult, laying the foundations for change, this year seems to be one of moving into those changes. So I've put my wishes out there into the universe, let them go and now we'll see what the universe can come up with.

Life is far from boring, that's for sure.

Blessings to everyone for 2010.


Bo said...

Nothing sensible and meaningful to say to this---apart from to send my very best wishes for you and yours. I know how hard change is, if you're not the kind who thrives on it. (I'm certainly not!!)

blessings xx

Syren said...

Heartfelt thanks Bo.

You must be up late working.