The Return of Saturn (ish)

Such as inconstant blogger am I.

Here we are in school holidays again and I wonder how the time can fly so fast and yet seem so ponderous.

This year has been decidedly Saturn returnesque. Our confidence on so many fronts has been shaken and it has been a year of questioning, searching and discovery and a realisation of our own mortality.

Mr I has been hit hardest with a brother needing a liver transplant, a father with a kidney tumour (which the experts think is benign) and most recently the death of a loved uncle in a head-on collision. Add to this stress caused by a mentally unstable staff member at work making bizarre complaints and you have more than enough to be getting on with. I have been dealt health problems to work through including an ongoing gut problem for which I do not have results yet. And I thought I had been doing all the right things for a coeliac.

Yet out of darkness comes light. Having my ideas about myself and the world shaken up has led me first to fear, anxiety and despair and having dwelt there until I've had as much as I can stand, I've moved on to an openness to life and a reaffirmation that this planet, at least, is primarily about creation (and don't get biblical on me unless you want a raspberry blown in your direction). I mean there is so much energy out there that is supportive of creativity whether that it is through biological reproduction or artwork in all it's various forms or the loving company of good friends and family or the gentle everyday work of being a keeper of the hearth, wife and mother.

I love blogworld - there are so many warm, intelligent, artistic, creative, funny people out there and all have touched me at one time or another with their humaness (if there's such a word). I thank every one of them for what they have unknowingly given me.

I am making tentative and cautious steps back into the world, not entirely trusting (as I naively was, a long time ago) but tremblingly braving the risk of hurt to feel alive again.

Hurrah for all the wonderful potential in each human.