There must be something in the air this year. Everyone I know is journeying. Whether they're taking off to the Kimberleys for six months, or taking a trip around Oz, starting something they've never done before, moving house, dying (!!!) or journeying inwardly - which is where I am.
I started this year thinking that something had to change - that I could not continue to approach the world in the same manner, as it obviously was no longer serving me.
I was even disatisfied with my singing. I pulled out of concerts and exams as I found my heart was no longer in it - at least not to perform in the traditional way. Images of Red Priest and Corvus Corax came to mind and my imagination ran wild as to the type of performance I'd like to be a part of. The importance of all that has been dislodged for the time being by this inner journeying. And I'm really surprised that I'm not feeling distraught. I feel I'm putting things to one side in order to make space for something new.
I've been trying to find that real place in me beneath or behind all the facades and roles I play in order to feel I fit in and am acceptable to the people I'm with. I want to practise stepping into my skin or stepping into life. In the odd moments I can do that - usually when I'm on my own - I've been feeling a peace and contentment that is just.....bliss.
It doesn't seem to matter how much reading or listening I do - without the correct key, it merely remains knowledge rather than understanding. And I feel I'm only just beginning to get a mere glimmer on a subject I thought I understood. Ah well.....just call me Shrek!! (You know, "Ogres are like onions - they have layers.")hehehe.